You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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