it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
