so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
