Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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