I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
