I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
