this beer tastes like vomit already
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
