have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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