I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
