Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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