I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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