Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
