Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
