These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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