Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
