She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
