Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
