She is in my trunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
