Umm I'm too high to move.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
