Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
