walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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