I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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