Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
