I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
