So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
