So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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