just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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