i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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