The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My bed smells like the plague
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
