I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
whose ass print is on the piano?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
