You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Blood and glitter go together right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
