AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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