im six kinds of drunk right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
