SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
