even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
