The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
