he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
