Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
