They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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