He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
