so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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