You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ttyl tear gas
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
