he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
