my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
