I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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