The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
