they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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