so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
