Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
