My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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