He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
