You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
