Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
